In the summer of 2018, I sat lakeside watching a sunset with my two closest friends, one of whom had gotten engaged just hours before. Her fiance scored major points by inviting us to their special moment and even gave the three of us time to celebrate.
 
I couldn’t have been happier for both of these friends, as we had talked about the type of men we hoped to marry someday when we were overseas as missionaries. Now, both were engaged to incredible men that we had prayed for together. 
 
As we talked and ate cake in our lakeside chairs, one of my friends asked me kindly if I was feeling sad or left out as I wasn’t dating at the time. I appreciated her care, but I surprised myself by truthfully feeling content even though I alone was fiance-less. 
 
At various times in my life, my answer to her question may have been very different, as there were plenty of moments when I was single where I felt lonely, insignificant, and even misunderstood by the church. There were times I felt like there wasn’t a place for me in the church or that my Christian friends assumed I was incomplete without a “better half”. 
 
If you are a single person, know that there is a significant role for you now in your church community, and you don’t need to wait for “Mr. Right” to get connected with a mini-church, small group, serving, or deep community. May 1 Corinthians 12:12-14 remind you that you are an essential part of Christ’s Body- the Church. 
 
"Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many."
 
Carissa VanDalen, Leah Scheurer, and Tara Fallier are women from Alliance Church who are connected to their church community and are also single. Below they answer some questions about singleness that hopefully will encourage and give a voice to other single women.  
 
Q: What are some misconceptions you feel many Christians have about singleness?
 
Leah: It can feel like other Christians assume I am just waiting to be married, like I am less mature or not fully living out my purpose until I have a spouse and kids. 
 
Carissa: Some Christians talk about singleness as if it’s a lesser status or that it’s some form of a punishment almost. There are so many cliche lines that I have heard as a single adult.
 
One of the most hurtful parts of being a 30-something single is how often I get automatically lumped in with 20-somethings based mostly on marital status. Many of my peers are parents with kids who make friends with other parents with kids. I think there’s a misconception that I’m either too busy to hang with them or that I wouldn’t choose to hang with parents and kids. No matter how often I mention wanting to be invited or included, I’m consistently left out of these environments. Even though my marital status is different, the intellectual, physical, emotional, and professional elements of my life have more in common with my 30-something married friends than my 20-something single friends.
 
Tara: Some of the misconceptions would be that we're not happy, because we don't have a mate.
 
Q: What are some of the opportunities that God has given you as a single person?
 
Leah: God has given me flexibility in my time and money to serve Him in various ways. I have been able to take on last minute volunteer roles, go on short-term mission trips, be generous with finances, or available when a friend is in need. He also has given me the opportunity to foster friendships with people in various life stages that may have a harder time finding connection.
 
Carissa: Personally, I enjoy being independent and having a lot of personal freedom. I get to make a lot of solo decisions about how I spend my time, resources, and energy. In major decisions, I can be more flexible to change housing situations, jobs, or even to consider living overseas (which I did for a year). Even on a weekly basis, I can decide how I invest my time without considering the schedules of a spouse or children.
 
One of the most unexpected opportunities that I have had as a single person into my 30s is being available to invest in other singles. Over the years, I have been able to mentor, coach, counsel, lead, and disciple women who often have questions about how to enjoy their singleness or find contentment in it. I get to challenge them to take that job, buy that thing, or make that radical decision. Single people can feel held up at certain times because we’re waiting on timing or wanting to be available for when a godly spouse may come along. I enjoy challenging singles to be all God made them to be in this season!
 
Tara: Having the time and the freedom to invest in others. Freedom is the number key "ingredient" when it comes to embracing your singleness.
 
Q:  How have you seen “community” impact your life as a single person?
 
Leah: A community of believers is so vital to my life as a single person. Having people I trust to process life and decisions with has made me more confident in my beliefs and the person God made me to be. It also keeps my perspective on others rather than myself. I have learned so much about who God is through loving and serving one another in community.
 
Carissa: Community is also significant so that I don’t spend too much time alone. At the beginning of COVID, I was enjoying the alone time and break from normal schedules. As time went on, I felt the deeper need for connection and community. Being in community helps me stay balanced in my life, in my walk with the Lord, and in my mind! One of the benefits of singleness is how much I can focus on my own life and needs, but when I lean towards selfishness, it’s good to spend time with others and intentionally serve others. Serving at church is a meaningful way to connect with others and practice Biblical one anothers. Since I don’t share my every day life or home with certain people (spouse or kids), it’s good to find other ways to know people and be known by people!